To Spank or Not to Spank? December 8, 2007

An incident at the grocery store recently got me wondering about spanking. Even though I was spanked as a child I don’t remember any controversy over spanking.  I do remember vowing that I’d never spank my own children, but I also vowed I’d let them eat whatever sugar cereal they wanted.

Fast-forward to now, a mother at the grocery store swatted her toddler yesterday in the cereal isle because the kid was screaming (oddly enough) about Cocoa-Puffs. The spanking was swift and didn’t seem too terribly painful, but the child only continued to scream louder. I decided to learn more about spanking.

One interesting thing when doing a cursory Google search on spanking is the amount of porn and sexual websites that are unveiled by any search with the word “spanking” in it. Interestingly enough, there is also a plethora of research that indicates that spanking children has extremely negative sexual connotations that can be very damaging to children. One such article titled “Spanking and the Corporal Punishment of Children: The Sexual Story”, published in the International Journal of Children’s Rights, portrays spanking as a much more damaging and complex social practice than it is commonly thought to be.

But for some parents, especially those who believe that in extreme situations spanking is the only way to get their child’s attention, removing spanking is like taking away all their power as parents. For some parents spanking is the last resort for use in situations when the child is in danger. 

The American Academy of Pediatircs argues, however, that spanking is not as useful as some parents think it is. The AAP is strongly opposed to the use of spanking in children and does not recommend it under any circumstance. Instead, they encourage redirection of children under two, and ”time-outs” for use in children three and older. The ”time-out” should be administered in one minute increments per year of the child’s age. So, a three-year-old has to sit for three minutes and so on. 

Currently many other countries consider spanking to be corporal punishment and have outlawed the practice. Most European countries, Israel and Japan have laws that prohibit the physical punishment of children, including through spanking. Here is an interesting take on spanking as corporal punishment.

Claire Cohen, mother of two-year old Amelia, says she hadn’t felt strongly about spanking until her daughter entered the nerve-racking toddler phase of life. “I never was anti-spanking or anything, I guess it didn’t occur to me until I was trying to teach my daughter that it’s not okay to hit, or bite, or pinch,” says Cohen. ”It just didn’t make sense to me that I could be always telling her it’s not okay to hit and then go and smack her.”

Many parents and childhood educators agree with Cohen and insist that spanking is abuse and sends the wrong message to children. Some argue that aside from the sexual boundaries and trust issues that are violated when a child is spanked, the foundation of respect that adults are supposed to foster in children is seriously undermined in the process.

“It’s hypocrisy, pure and simple,” says Cohen who explains that she doesn’t ever want her daughter to think it’s okay for someone bigger than her to hit her or touch her body, especially her bottom, in a violent way. 

Toxic Toys December 2, 2007

As if dangerous lead-based paint on millions of children’s toys wasn’t enough, the most recently recalled toy has been found to be coated with a substance which, when ingested, turns into Gamma-Hydroxy Butyrate, otherwise known as the “date rape” drug.  

In light of the seemingly never-ending toxic toy debacle, many parents are looking for alternative toys to buy this holiday season. The big question is; what is safe? Robert Persinger, of Seattle’s Top Ten Toys in Greenwood explains that although they don’t carry any of the recalled products at the moment, it’s hard because it’s difficult to know what’s coming next.  ”It isn’t really China that’s the problem,” says Persinger, “It’s just a hand-full of the toy manufacturers, so I want to think it will get under control, but we can’t predict the future.”  

Persinger also said that many parents, it seems, have given up on trying to keep up with the extensive recall lists, and instead are just choosing to avoid any toys made in China. According to Persinger, his store has actually been largely unaffected by the recalls because they don’t rely heavily on toys made in China. “As a locally-owned and operated business we have always tried to stock alternatives to what you will find next-door at Fred Meyer,” said Persinger. 

Persinger recommends toys from Thailand, the U.S. and Europe as some of the most popular alternatives to Chinese-made toys. Many American and European toys are made of wood and are usually higher-quality as well, which means they should last longer than the cheap ones. One thing to look for, especially when shopping for baby toys, is the symbol CE, which indicates that the toy is Phylate-Free. Phylates are another dangerous chemical found mainly in plastic baby toys.

If alternative toy choices are hard to come by in stores, there are a variety of great online toy stores in the U.S. that carry a variety of safe, handmade toys. Here’s a store in Vermont that stocks safe, high-quality toys for purchase online.

The European and American-made toys on store shelves tend to be more pricey that their Chinese-made counterparts, but it's worth a couple of extra bucks for the peace of mind that comes with knowing our kids aren't being poisoned while they play.

Diaper Duty November 17, 2007

Everyone knows that if you have a baby, you’re going to need diapers. Loads of them! Most parents have diapers at the top of their “to get” lists, which often go on and on; diaper wipes, diaper bags, diaper disposal pails and diaper creams. Even, diaper “cakes” which, I’

m told, are popular baby shower gifts with various sizes of disposable diapers stacked in tiers to form the shape of a cake.  Ingenious! Or gross?

 

 Just choosing a package of diapers can be a daunting task when faced with a hundred  different brands, all claiming the essential feature that makes life with a newborn a  breeze. Often, the choice will hinge on whether Mom prefers Snoopy or Barbie  diapers, and that’

s that.

 

Many will never consider other options for diapering that aren’t found on drug store shelves. Cloth diapers, which have been making a comeback in this age of “green” living are an increasingly popular alternative to disposables.  And if you join a diaper service, diapers are delivered right to your door!  Yet, cloth diapers remain on the outer fringes of the mainstream, often viewed as harder to use than disposables, and specifically reserved for the “hippies”

among us.

 

It is easy to see why misconceptions about cloth diapers abound. Disposable diaper manufacturers Proctor and Gamble and Kimberley-Clark use enormous advertising budgets to ensure these beliefs persist. They spread the word about their diapers by way of prime-time T.V. and glossy magazine ads, full of toddling babies wearing diapers with more features than a car.  It’s no wonder that the term “disposable diaper”

has become redundant.

 

The cloth vs. disposable controversy rages on, and some argue that the environmental impacts of both kinds are high.

 

The most common argument against the use of cloth diapers is that washing them wastes water, and adds to water contaminants via laundering. While there is some truth to that argument, it doesn’

t consider the amount of water used and contaminated in the manufacturing process of disposable diapers, which are largely made of wood pulp, plastic and various other chemicals including bleach and dioxins.  

 

Writer Jane McConnell has researched the problem extensively and she argues that the amount of water used to wash a cloth diaper, especially at a diaper service facility, is actually comparable to the amount of water used by one person flushing the toilet in a day. Definitely interesting food for thought.  Also, anyone who has ever tried to use a regular diaper on a toddler in the pool, will know that those suckers absorb a TON! Imagine how much water those same diapers collect from the ground while they sit in a landfill.

 

Diapers are able to hold so much water due to the Sodium Polyacrylate crystals that are embedded in the wood pulp of the liners. The substance is able to absorb nearly 100 times its weight in water, and is the same stuff that was removed from tampons in 1985, due to it’

s suspected link to Toxic Shock Syndrome in women. http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/eid/vol5no6/hajjeh.htm look here

 

 

It isn’t all or nothing when it comes to choosing diapers, and many parents use cloth diapers at home, and disposables while out and about. Some parents never put a disposable on their kid at all, and it can be done. Many parents think it’

s more reasonable to cloth diaper part-time. Proponents insist that it still makes an impact.  The most important thing is to get a good system from the get-go instead of getting frustrated and giving up due to faulty equipment.

 

Cloth diapering is not for everyone, and parenting is hectic enough without added chores and laundry, but cloth diapering might be easier than parents think. There are hundreds of websites like this devoted to making cloth diapering easier for the newbie. Also, cloth diapering can be a lot cheaper than disposables done right. With the choices nowadays it doesn’t hurt to try.  And if anyone wants to skip diapers all together, you can do that too! Find out how here…

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Baggie Be-Gone November 15, 2007

I’ll never forget the famous jingle for Ziploc bags back in the days when mom still packed my lunch; “Yellow and blue make green!”

 

As the zips-locked they turned green, ensuring that tuna sandwiches everywhere were secure crammed in backpacks and lunch sacks. Since those days, baggie variety has skyrocketed. Now you can buy plastic bags of practically any size or shape. Tiny snack-sized bags are all the rage with the preschool-set because they hold a dozen raisins or a few crackers, perfect for the toddler’s tummy.

 

The plastic mini-bags are easy to stuff in a purse or diaper bag and convenience is key, after all, as parents hurry to pack lunches during breakfast every morning. But as convenient as Baggies are, I found myself wondering if I really wanted my daughter’s pathetic lunches preserved in plastic for posterity. After all, if some dietician of the future digs them up, they’ll know that my poor toddler got stale fish crackers for lunch….again. 

 

Then there’s the issue of waste. The number of plastic bags that meet the trashcan still half-filled with Oatie O’s is staggering. Back in the 70’s many parents didn’t think twice about wrapping everything they could in plastic. Remember the orange cheese slices? But today the pressure is high to reduce, reuse, recycle. 

 

Recycle Works of California estimates that disposable lunches generate 4-8 ounces of trash per day per child, which can add up to as much as 100 pounds of trash per year. Much of that trash is single-use plastic, like plastic bags or plastic wrap. 

 

 

Luckily, kid’s lunches are a great place to start reducing the amount of plastic we     use in our homes. For example, almost every kid has a reusable lunch box; the trick is to pack food in reusable containers that are safe for food. Here are some useful tips for choosing safe food containers for kids. 

 

 

Learn more about trash-free lunches here and get into the habit by starting small. Pack a cloth napkin with lunch, or invest in one of these super-handy kid-sized bento boxes if you’re ready to go totally trash-free. It’s been fun in our house to make the switch. My daughter’s lunches seem healthier too, as we rely less on packaged food for lunches. Also, trash-free can be cheaper, especially if there is a good bulk section nearby to buy from.  

Hello and Welcome!!…. October 5, 2007

If there is one thing that parents seem to agree on, it is that life gets harder after kids. Not everyone wants to divulge how much harder it gets exactly, but parents everywhere will admit, it’s not easy.  That admission is usually followed, however, by sentiments such as, “But life is so much more fulfilling and meaningful with kids!”. Of course it is…. 

 

Many parents will admit that they are unsure if they are good parents, or wonder if they are doing right by heir kids.  Why then, do people seem to be so sure about what is right for everyone else’s children?

 

It seems everyone has something to say about parenting styles, rules, discipline and the myriad other topics parents struggle with.  Quite often the people with the most advice don’t even have children themselves.  

 

Many pregnant women report that strangers talk to them and touch them more than ever before. Almost as if they are some sort of public property.  Of course, there is some logic to this phenomenon in that when societies feel protective of children and babies they take a certain interest in how they are.  And although we can appreciate this when a child is being abused, for instance, it can be strange for a mom just trying to do her best.

 

It could be that the constant flow of advice from family, as well as strangers, to new parents is simply a well-meaning extension of this protective cultural network.  Maybe people are just nosy and opinionated.  Whatever the reason, if you are a parent you become accustomed to LOTS of unsolicited advice. And, it would seem, judgement.

 

Everyone has witnessed the screaming, writhing toddler being dragged out of a grocery store or park. The flustered mother struggling to maintain a grip on the kid, while being yelled at and kicked in the eye.

 

Often these scenes are met with disapproving looks from “well-behaved” bystanders . Sometimes people make comments about discipline, or even hearken back to the days when, “If I had acted like that,  I’d have been spanked.”  People also seem to be wondering quietly…..”what kind of mom is she?”

 

This blog is for parents who are done with advice, and want to begin making informed decisions after considering multiple sides of an issue.  Here we will explore common problems and alternative solutions, as well as the mainstream.

 

So often parents only get mainstream information and ideas about parenting because that is what’s readily available.  Also, the “natural” movement can be inimidating because there seem to be so many rules; vegan, no wheat, no sugar, no t.v. What’s a parent to do?  

 

Stay tuned ……..and Welcome!!!!